Any time Vince tries to expand beyond wrasslin' it goes over like a lead balloon.
--- In TheOriginalWWFFanClub@yahoogroups.com, raging_demons <no_reply@...> wrote:
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> The Following Contains Spoilers for the WWE Films Latest BOMB "Legendary" starring John Cena. If you don't want to read the spoilers then I recommend dodging this post. HOWEVER! If you want to read it, you have been warned!
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> The movie starts off with a quick history of the state of Oklahoma narrated by Danny Glover by giving the definition of the word "Sooner" as "Too Soon" meaning the settlers of Oklahoma were criticized for settling there TOO SOON. Later on it proved that Oklahomans had the fight to live there. (RD: SO that's why Jim Ross keeps going "Boomer Sooner!")
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> Then the camera shifts to a town somewhere in Oklahoma where we go to a lake where he has a bunch of catfish in a cooler. Calvin runs a catfish farm & he's about to put some catfish into the lake. Danny Glover walks by as "Red" asking where there's a good place for some fishing, Calvin directs him to a good spot for fishing. (RD: I wonder if Danny Glover thinks in his head "I'm getting too old for this s**t.") A Head Jock with a couple of his lackeys pass by the lake, Head Jock makes fun of Calvin for being a skinny-assed, pencil-necked, geek. Calvin tries to fight back but the Head Jock kicks his ass royally. Head Jock walks away with his friends rubbing it in on pool Calvin.
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> Calvin heads back home licking his wounds. He grabs old clippings about his Dad & brother Mike. Calvin is going through the wedding album of his Dad & Mom, reads clipping of his Dad & Mike's successes, & the horrible car crash that killed his Dad. Mom walks into the home & Calvin quickly hides the clippings & wedding album. Mom asks Calvin how his day was & he admits it was okay. Calvin was wondering if they can have chicken for dinner, Mom says it's okay as long as she brings company for dinner. (RD: Yeah Mom! GET IT ON!)
> The next day Mom somehow hits on Calvin (RD: EEEWWW!!!) accidentally on the phone & Calvin tells her that he's going to stay at school later to study. Calvin lied to his mom, which he admitted to his best friend Donald, that he's really doing something else. And that something else is…watching the High School Wrestling Team take practice! (RD: Exciting!) Calvin heads back to the catfish farm where he spots his friendgirl (RD: A girl whose REALLY his friend.) taking money in exchange for showing her boobs in front of some guys! Calvin scares them off by acting like an old guy. Luli scolds Calvin for scaring the guys away because she likes showing her boobs in front of guys. (RD: Future Stripper of America folks!) Calvin says that she shouldn't act that way & they talk for a bit; then Calvin admits to Luli that he wants to join the High School Wrestling Team because it's something that his Dad & Mike did previously with outstanding success. Luli questions Calvin about it but acts nicely about the whole topic of wrestling.
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> Its dinner time & Mom sees something funny about Calvin. Calvin tells Mom that he's thinking of joining the High School Wrestling Team. Unfortunately the topic of Wrestling is forbidden in the house because Mom goes off on HELL of a rant about not doing it because Calvin will get obsessed about it like Dad & Mike. Calvin tries to defend himself saying "well Mike did it" & it was another activity that he wanted to do along with the 5 BILLION activities that he does. Mom tells Calvin that Wrestling will take over his life because it turned Mike into an awful person that Mom & Mike barely speak anymore. During this conversation we skipped over to an oil rig where a supervisor is telling Mike (played by WWE's resident Kryptonain, John Cena) that he's being laid-off.
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> The next day Calvin decides to try out for the Wrestling team and IRONICALLY there's a spot for him. Calvin tries out for the team in front of Head Jock. Coach tells Head Jock to wrestle Calvin easily, but instead Head Jock picks Calvin up from a tie-up position & throws Calvin down hard. Calvin & Head Jock get into a fight which Coach tries to break up. Coach tries to get the reason why these two hate each other but it goes nowhere. Coach gets Head Jock & Calvin to practice again, but this time Calvin throw an elbow to Head Jock's face which causes another fight. Calvin is back at the catfish pond when he sees Red fishing. Red & Calvin talk about what's going on with their lives & Calvin's desire to wrestle mostly because of his brother Mike. Red tells Calvin that he should wrestle for himself & try to get connected to Mike again because brothers need each other.
> Back at home Calvin is thinking about what to do next so he lies to Mom telling her that he's spending the night at Donald's place, grabs an address, & heads out of town where he finds Mike in a beaten down trailer. (RD: Looks like the trailer that Randy "The Ram" lived in.) Calvin is greeted by a crack-whore of a one night stand looking for Mike. Crack whore lets Calvin in & tells Mike that his brother is here. Mike comes in from the bedroom & he's not pleased to see Calvin. Calvin tells Mike that he's joining the Wrestling Team & wants to learn from Mike how to wrestle. Mike wants no part of Calvin & tells him to leave. While Mom meets with the Coach & tries to get Calvin off the team because she's afraid Calvin will turn into the next Mike. Coach tells Mom that if Calvin goes too far he'll cut him from the team.
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> Calvin is at home trying to fix his crappy pump for his catfish farm when Luli walks in. Calvin is thinking about changing his mind about joining the Wrestling Team. Luli is being nice & tells him that she would LOVE to see him wrestle.
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> SO Calvin joins the Wrestling Team but he's the backup so he's not on the bench. One day while watching from the stands with Luli, the team's 135 pound Wrestler gets injured & Calvin's the only backup. (RD: GEE! WHAT A COINCIDENCE!) Calvin calls Mike & gets one of his one night stands & tells her that he's going to wrestle. Mike's one night stand did tell him that Calvin will wrestle…THE NET DAY! Calvin is on the team & we get a montage (RD: MONTAGE!) of Calvin getting his ass beat left & right, especially from the number 1 Wrestler in his weight class Mark. While somewhere else Mike is drinking at a bar & having a good time while playing pool. He tells some Bald Fat Guy with a Beard to please excuse him because he's in his way of his shot. Bald Fat Guy with a Beard APPARENTLY took it the wrong way & decides to pick a fight with Mike. Mike defends himself & easily kicks Bald Fat Guy with a Beard's ass!
> Mom & Calvin are talking about how Wrestling is & Calvin says he's doing "fine". Mom thinks Luli is Calvin's girlfriend but Calvin basically says "Nuh-uh!" Mom mentions that Luli is the only girl in a house filled with boys. (RD: SO that's where she got being a stripper from!) Mom wants Calvin to invite Luli over for some "girl time". Calvin & Donald are walking on the street. Calvin wonders if he is the worst Wrestler in the world! Donald thinks mathematically he's got a shot at winning…one day. Head Jock drives by in his car to rub it in to Calvin that Mike's a loser & throws a newspaper at him. Calvin gets the news that Mike got arrested for the bar fight. So Calvin lies to mom again, borrows Luli's scooter, & takes off for Mike's hearing.
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> In trial Mike's lawyer is about to get Mike the "Lindsay Lohan" treatment. The judge asks Mike a reason why he's innocent. Calvin walks in the room & defends Mike for being a good guy. Judge listens to Calvin & lets Mike go on probation. Calvin is waiting outside for Mike near Luli's scooter. Mike comes out of the building to thank Calvin for defending him & wonders if he wants to come by his place. MEANWHILE Mom goes to Luli wondering where is Calvin, Luli lies badly to Mom but Mom sees right through Luli & asks if Calvin is okay, Luli comforts Mom & says that Calvin is in fact OK. Mom invites Luli to come by the house for some "girl time". Back at Mike's crappy trailer Mike feeds Calvin some food & Calvin catches Mike up with his life so far. Calvin realizes that it's getting late & he takes off. Calvin asks Mike why doesn't he visit Mom, Mike says that "It's Complicated". Calvin leaves the home & Mike changes his mind that he will teach him to wrestle after all.
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> During Wrestling Practice Coach pulls Calvin away from the team & tells him that he's been REALLY stinking up the joint & if he doesn't win his next match he's cut from the team. Mike & Calvin go to some abandoned warehouse that's turned into a gym; Mike calls it "church". Mike teaches Calvin some of the basics of Amateur Wrestling & we get a montage (RD: Montage!) of Calvin learning how to wrestle. Calvin talks to Mike about his matches & how he pinned a guy using a Reverse Cradle & he wants to learn it. Mike tells Calvin that he's not ready yet to learn The Reverse Cradle.
> We get another montage (RD: Montage!) of Calvin going up the ranks beating his opponents left & right, Mike & Calvin training together, with Red & Mom watching Calvin's matches from the stands & Mike watching in the shadows. Mike passes by a place in the high school where he carved in his undefeated record back in his High School Wrestling days. Calvin is begging Mike to learn The Reverse Cradle since he's getting better at wrestling, Mike still refuses him. Mom is proud of Calvin wrestling but is kind of suspicious where Calvin goes to practice.
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> Before Calvin's next match Mike teaches Calvin how to psyche himself up by picking his favorite music & zoning out, intimidating the next guy by giving him a look that says "If you F**k with me you're dead!", & do the weigh-in naked for the sheer intimidation factor. Calvin does all that so it did freak the other guy out & he concentrates on the next match. And on that match Calvin wins!
> Calvin is hanging out with Luli; Calvin is eating cottage cheese & Luli's torturing Calvin with French Fries. Luli's asking Calvin to go out with her to the High School Dance & Calvin accepts, Luli said she'll design her own dress mostly to show off her boobs. While Mom & Luli bond with Mom teaching Luli the fine arts of seduction & not giving it all to the guy on the first date; Mike is FINALLY teaching Calvin The Reverse Cradle. After that day of training ends Calvin tells Mike that he found a job for him at another oil rig.
> Next day Mike brings his friend nicknamed "The Gnat" because he's the only guy he could find in Calvin's size as a sparring partner. So we get ANOTHER montage (RD: Montage!) of Gnat & Calvin sparring, climbing ropes, jumping over Mike with Mike doing push-ups, & lots more. Calvin is resting while Gnat & Mike talk, Gnat is curious why now that Mike contacts him & he thinks that Calvin is changing him. Mike thinks that Gnat may be right.
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> So Calvin & Luli arrived at the dance together. Donald has a girl that he dances awkwardly with while Head Jock & his friends are laughing & pointing at Calvin & Luli. Calvin & Luli danced then they go to the punch table with Head Jock & friends following. Calvin pours some punch for Luli when Head Jock teases Luli & asks to see Luli's boobs. Luli tells Head Jock no. (RD: What? Now you say no! You just said you loved to show your boobs!) Head Jock grabs Luli's bra which rips her dress, Calvin defends Luli by kicking Head Jock's ASS! Calvin & Luli are outside & Luli is spouting so much self-hate at herself for acting like a skank. Calvin thinks that Luli isn't a skank but "unique" & "special". Luli thanks Calvin for making her feel better & they kiss. MEANWHILE Mike passes by the bar that he got arrested for in that bar fight & decides…what the hell one drink couldn't hurt. So Mike enters the bar with Bald Fat Guy with a Beard watching & makes a call on his cell phone. Mike orders for a cold beer, he thinks about drinking it for a minute then puts it down & leaves enough money for the beer. As Mike is leaving the bar, Bald Fat Guy with a Beard stops Mike & wants to settle the score with Mike for kicking his ass. Mike doesn't want to fight him so he tries to walk away. Bald Fat Guy with a Beard doesn't want to Mike to leave but a few men walking towards Mike suddenly appear which meant Bald Fat Guy with a Beard called his friends to help kick Mike's ass. Mike wants to leave but he gets attacked. Mike defends himself from the attacks which end with Mike throwing a guy through the front door.
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> Calvin arrives at "church" to find Mike not there. Calvin basically workouts alone hoping that Mike will arrive later. Calvin arrives at home to hear the phone ring, thinking that its Mike he rushes to the front door before Mom picks it up. Too late Mom picks up the phone & hears that it's Mike & he's in jail. Mom hangs up the phone & is angry why Mike is calling her. Calvin tells the truth that he's been working out with Mike learning how to wrestle. Mom is PISSED! Mom doesn't want Calvin to see Mike fearing that Mike will turn Calvin into a thug; Calvin defends Mike by saying that he's changed. Mom goes into detail what got Calvin's dad killed. Basically Dad & Mike were about to do research on one of Mike's next opponents, Dad thought Mike would be fine but Mike insisted that they should go & check up on him because it's what Dad would normally do, Dad lived up to his promise & took Mike to look at his opponent, unfortunately it was snowing & that caused the car to swerve throwing Mike out of the car & killing Dad. Mike was fine after the accident but a year later he got hurt & quit wrestling. Mom always thought that Mike quit the day Dad died. Calvin & Mom try to bond over getting the grief of Dad's death done with while Mike's in jail.
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> State Regional's are happening so while Calvin's travelling to Tulsa to get ready. Mom & Mike have a little talk in jail. While Calvin is wrestling & gets a pin here & there, he heads straight to the locker room ignoring Luli & Donald who are at the stands in disgust because Mike's in jail. Calvin is at home & Mom is asking how Calvin is doing at Regional's, Calvin said he's doing okay. In jail Mom arrives to speak to Mike. Mom can get Mike proven innocent & free from jail & she's doing it because of Calvin. Mom take Mike home to his craptacular trailer & both of them finally get over the grief of Dad's death.
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> It's Day 2 of Regional's & Calvin's nervous about his next opponent. So nervous he decides to quit. Calvin runs into Red. Calvin tells Red that he's about to quit wrestling, Red said that he got so far to be at Regional's & no one is telling him to win but they're telling him not to quit. So Calvin is in the bathroom having his "8 Mile" moment when the announcer tells him that his match is next. Calvin "cowboys up" & heads to the arena to wrestle. In the 1st Period Calvin is losing real badly, until Mike shows up then Calvin injures his opponent accidentally & moves on. Calvin is happy that Mike is here, Mike is surprised that Calvin learned some moves that Mike didn't teach him, Coach stops by to congratulate Calvin, & invites Mike to sit next to Coach for the Finals.
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> Mike takes Calvin to the hallway & tells him to psyche up for his last match. Mike leaves Calvin to run into Mom & Luli. Mom is proud that Mike is here & Luli gives Mike a present to give to Calvin. Calvin is in the locker room getting ready when Gnat & Mike walk in to wish Calvin well in his Final Match versus the Number 1 wrestler that defeated Mike so many acts ago. Mike gives Calvin Luli's present which is a new pump for his catfish farm & a ring robe all decked out with flames, skulls, & sequins with his name on it. Calvin & Mike come out of the locker room in a WWE style entrance. (RD: NOT KIDDING HERE! Calvin had pyro blasting by Donald, confetti all over the place. It was the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen!) Calvin's opponent basically say "What The F**K?!?" while Coach says that he hopes that he didn't get in trouble for the pyro. Calvin Final match begins, Calvin busts out The Reverse Cradle, time is running out, everybody's in suspense whether Calvin will get the pin but time runs out! Number 1 wrestler wins by points. Fans are cheering for Calvin for putting on a great match. Mom, Luli, & Mike hug Calvin. Calvin thanks Red in the audience then Mike recognizes Red, not as "Red" but as "Harry" who happens to be Dad's wrestling coach! Calvin recognizes Harry in one of the clippings where Harry said great things about Dad.
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> The end of the movie we have "Red"/"Harry" leaving the arena explaining the reason he's in the movie because it was Dad's dying wish for him to keep an eye on Calvin & his family & the whole idea of the movie is that it's not winning that makes you a legend, it's the fight that makes you a legend. We are shown an Epilogue of Calvin winning 48 straight matches with Mike in attendance of everyone & Luli with Calvin as his girlfriend.
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> Overall: Some of the movie was average. But with the use of a LOT, and I mean A LOT, of montages combined with that RIDICULOUS WWE-esque entrance that Calvin received. My god this was horrible. This movie wasn't playing in the major theaters so I had to find an independent small theater to watch this movie. There were only 13 people watching this movie, 13! My guess is that WWE knew this movie was going to suck so that's why it was released in not a lot of theaters. Triple H said most recently in public that WWE Movies isn't all about "blowing stuff up" but it's about a lot more with comedy & drama included. Triple H, WWE should stick to what they do best. Wrestle & not make movies. Scratch that. With this movie I had seen MORE wrestling than RAW or Smackdown has ever produced this year! Pass on this movie.
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> And it's a legit bomb now. The numbers are out & with only 175 theaters released before heading to DVD. The movie made only...$135,000.
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