I have a tremendous amount of respect for Maj. Diener both for his candor and for taking the time and effort to describe the difficulty of the decision to come out. I can only imagine the fear and anxiety he felt at identifying himself given what he heard from his peers in the Corps event after the repeal of DADT. I can only imagine how hard it was to come to work that firstr day after coming out knowing that some people's minds would be changed irrevocably. People he owrked with every day and maybe even his own family. He must be an incredibly brave person. Even given that DADT is over, I am sure his actions and story will open many doors for other service members who have lived in the shadows for so long. He will probvably never know how many people he helped.
I know that, just in my own life, how fears and anxieties can compel you to make decisions that you knew in your heart were the wrong ones. I grew up in a closed world in the 1950's and 60's - ultra conservative New Hampshire - where you either conformed to the community's expectations of you or you were isolated. The world of tthe John Birch Society and the Manchester Union Leader (the editor of which called John Kennedy a commie lover for even talking to Khrushchev). Homosexuality? you might as well have been an alien. So you got a girlfriend, got married and had children and that was that. I simply suppressed all gay feelings with the expectation that I would have to do that for the rest of my life. I never imagined another world was possible.
I thank President Obama and the Joint Chiefs Chairman Admiral Mullen for leading the bold initiative but I mostly thank the brave Americans who lobbied for eliminating DADT for making our country a better place when we can all openly be who we are.
Warren
On Mar 13, 2012, at 11:29 PM, Jake West wrote:
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Diet & Fitness:
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, / March 12, 2012
Are you ready for some good-spirited fun that you may also find helpful? If you're interested in losing weight but struggling like most people, here's a new way to look at winning the weight-loss game.
With that famous old carnival game Whac-A-Mole as my model, I offer you a creative new way to address weight loss that I'm going to call Whac-A-Food!
First, let me lay the whacky groundwork. For anyone who may be unfamiliar with this game, Whac-A-Mole is an "arcade redemption" game with five holes in the machine. Moles pop up from their holes at random. The object of the game is to quickly hit the moles back into their holes with a mallet.
Here's how Whac-A-Mole relates to my new weight-loss strategy. In Whac-A-Food, the primary purpose is to knock those unhealthy eating thoughts out of your head before they can gain traction and cause you to eat something that you shouldn't.
Just as those merry mischievous moles try to confuse you by popping up quickly and unexpectedly in that arcade game, you're also bombarded by unhealthy food constantly popping up in your day too.Whac-A-Mole is an "arcade redemption game." Since redemption means rescue and rebirth, I see Whac-A-Food as a health redemption game that provides a cognitive strategy to rescue your body and give birth to a new and healthier life.
In Whac-A-Food, the tempting unhealthy foods you see each day are like the moles in Whac-A-Mole. Your mission is to whack those unhealthy temptations out of your mind as quickly as they appear before you. Do you see the game plan here?
I have another suggestion that will make this a lot easier while increasing your odds of winning at the same time. To win the arcade game, you have to be quick or you'll miss your opportunity to whack that mole. The same is true in my game. To increase your reaction time and win, I suggest you employ a technique that I call the Band-Aid Approach.
The theory behind removing a bandage quickly in one fell swoop is the most painless and efficient method. If you pull it off slowly, you draw out the pain and discomfort, thereby increasing the difficulty.
The same is true for Whac-A-Food and weight loss when you're trying to avoid those high calorie and unhealthy junk foods. The quicker you knock those unhealthy thoughts out of your mind, the less painful it will be.So, the next time you're confronted with an unhealthy eating decision, engage in a little game of Whac-A-Food and employ your mental mallet quickly by using the Band-Aid Theory of decision making.
Instead of agonizing over whether you should eat it, whack that food by saying NO quickly and be on your way. Avoid the agony of indecision by being decisive at those moments of truth and you'll find yourself both happier and healthier at the end of the day!
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JACOB TYLERVSSTUART REARDONYou Decide!Mardi gras - Sydney / March 3, 2012Stoked?Stinger Team / Mardi gras - Sydney / March 3, 2012A Gay Marine Reflects on the End of 'Don't Ask Don't Tell'March 13, 2011 - By Dirk Diener - Rolling Stone
It Is Possible That Someone in the Room is Gay
By Maj. Dirk Diener, U.S. Marine Corps
"The people at work don't know I'm gay," the sailor said. "I can really be butch when I want to."
My friend the sailor was a stereotype of effeminacy, and I'm fairly certain that using "butch" to describe yourself is an indicator that you're not fooling anyone.
I'm cognizant of the fact that we don't always view ourselves with honest eyes. But when I say you would never know I was gay, I am telling the truth. How do I know? I've been fooling one of the most fiercely heterosexual organizations in the world throughout my 17-year career.
I was in college when I enlisted in the Army Reserve. In 1988 the recruiters were allowed to ask about sexual orientation, and I lied. I can't say why, it's been so long ago, except to say being in the military is something I always wanted to do. I wanted to join after high school but my father's advice was to go to college first. "You can always join the military after college," he said, "but you probably won't do college after the military." I think he knew me better than I did, so I enrolled in college and then enlisted.
Being gay has always been a conflict for me. I have always known I was gay and never - in my mind - denied my sexuality, but as a kid I tried never to let my being gay show. I knew that being interested in girls was normal and I wanted to be normal, to fit in. I didn't want to stand out. Fitting in was not a problem. I was a bigger than average kid, liked sports and hunting, and made friends easily. I was not always the center of attention but usually I was somewhere close. I honed my skills of engagement with the opposite sex well enough to keep everyone fooled, although that's an area in which I was never comfortable.
Being a "weekend warrior," going to college, and being gay were never a problem; the three were never in conflict. I pretended to be straight while I was in college, including in front of my fraternity brothers. During my Reserve drill weekends I hung with the rest of the soldiers, drilled, drank beer afterward, and kept up the facade.
After college I left the Reserve so I could enlist in the Marine Corps as a Russian linguist. "Don't ask, don't tell" (DADT), the political compromise, was in effect and the recruiter never asked about my sexual orientation. However, to become a Marine is to be cut from the same cookie cutter as other Marines of the past, present, and future. To be perceived as different only gained you the attention of those who were senior and could make your life miserable. I had to continue the lie and pretend I wasn't gay. This wasn't a stretch for me. My family never knew, I had kept it to myself in college, and I've been pretending I wasn't gay my whole life. However, I wasn't "acting straight," I was being myself.
Unfortunately, while at language school and trying to assimilate into the hyper-hetero, masculine Marine Corps, I almost became a homophobe. This was part of my front, right or wrong. I always had girlfriends or women I pretended to be interested in. I distanced myself away from other Marines and military personnel who showed up on my "gaydar" - which was no guarantee that they were gay - and I made fun of them. However, occasionally I would feel the burden of the facade and drive to a different city, looking for a gay bar in a desperate attempt to make some kind of intangible connection I felt I was missing.
My first duty station after school was in England, where I maintained my front and had a girlfriend. I always wanted children and never believed that as a gay man I would have any. But before I left for Officer Candidate School (OCS) my girlfriend wanted to get pregnant. Without seriously considering how being a father would change my life, I agreed. After beginning OCS and finding out she was pregnant I asked her to marry me. I wasn't in love. I asked her because I wanted to be a father and not just a sperm donor. I believed that my commitment to the child (and later, another child) would enable me to maintain my marriage.
I was wrong. My marriage was over 7 years after the vows. I never cheated or sneaked out to connect with the gay world I was missing, and being intimate with my wife was never a problem. I believe the marriage could have lasted regardless of my sexuality but, unfortunately, we had too many other insurmountable differences.
As an officer of Marines my career has led me across the globe to places I consider lucky to have been and with people I'm lucky to have met. I've been on exercises throughout the Pacific, deployed in support of operations Iraqi Freedom and Enduring Freedom, and completed a tour with the United Nations in the Republic of Georgia.
Throughout these adventures I tried to maintain a professional manner. My sexuality was never a deterrent to how I performed and accomplished the mission. Also, I came out to some members of the military after I had established a level of trust. Why? I wanted to get closer to them so that I could bond and feel accepted. I have never been betrayed by any of those sailors and Marines, and I thank them for seeing me as a person regardless of who I am attracted to.
I love my children, my family, my service to my country, and the Corps. I chose to lie when I enlisted the in the Army Reserve and then later when I put up a front in the Corps. I justified my lie because I wanted to do something with my life and be a part of something bigger than myself. I wanted to make a positive difference not just in my life but in the lives of others. Have I done this? Maybe.
What about the service members and civilians I distanced myself from or publicly belittled because I thought they might be gay? What about all the Marines and the institution of the Corps I've lied to every day for more than 17 years? The repeal of DADT is amazing to me. I never believed I would serve in the Marine Corps and be able to be myself.
I've thought about staying in the closet after the repeal. My concern is that all my professional relationships might be re-evaluated by other Marines. "Did Maj. Diener give me a bad fitness report because I said I don't like homosexuals?" "Did Maj. Diener only want to be my gym partner because he was attracted to me?"
During DADT repeal training in 2011, comments by some of my fellow Marines reinforced those concerns. I was in a class of officers and staff NCOs who discussed the repeal as if it were impossible that someone in the room could be a homosexual.
So I've made the decision to come out. I won't be wearing tiara or boa, and I won't leave a trail of glitter. I am just tired of lying. Although freeing, the repeal and my coming out are a Damocles' sword because the perception of who I am as a Marine and as a person will change for some.
However, I haven't changed. I am who I am:
A Marine . . . and gay.
[Maj Diener enlisted in the U.S. Army Reserve in 1988 and in the Marine Corps in 1994. This essay is excerpted from 'The End of Don't Ask, Don't Tell: The Impact in Studies and Personal Essays by Service Members and Veterans,' co-edited by J. Ford Huffman and Tammy S. Schultz (Marine Corps University Press, March 2012).]Every gay and lesbian person who has been lucky enough to survive the turmoil of growing up is a survivor. Survivors always have an obligation to those who will face the same challenges."....JakeUrgent Notice: Our ObamaBiden2008 Group works hand - in - hand with Peckers PICS (Both groups were co-created to work with each-other). To prevent duplication of articles and questions, all members of this group are urgently recommended to join ObamaBiden2008 . We have the LGBT boycott list and discuss end of DADT, etc... There are 3 gay teen suicides in the USA - daily! There are Hate crimes against gay people. There are gay people who are fired over their sexual identity. There are gay people who died for our cause! These groups are focused towards Yahoo Members who sincerely care about LGBT rights and are interested in Gay Men's Health! Most important, we have a most critical election in 2012 that shall determine the future of LGBT rights and our health care (as many suffer from pre-existing illness)! Please Join Now!
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