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Health, Wellness, Exercise, Reflections:Do You Know a Whiner?
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, / June 18, 2012
You're at a gathering, mingling with friends, having a great time relaxing and chatting away. Everyone's at ease, until… Bob shows up. While Bob is a nice guy with a big heart, there's just one thing about him that seems to always change the mood and alter the conversation for the worse.
What is it about Bob that can immediately make a warm, chatty crowd quiet and chilly? He's a chronic whiner!
I bet you know someone like Bob. It may be someone you work with, live with or just hang around with.
Or, worse, maybe it's you who is the whiner.
Whining is never considered a positive characteristic, and generally, people don't want to hear it. Incessant whining is a different animal than constructive complaining.
Appropriate and justified complaining is often about a specific problem and can result in positive change, whereas, constant whining tends to be more general and unfocused and appears to have no end game.
I recently read an interesting article in the "Wall Street Journal" called "For a Nation of Whiners, Therapists Try Tough Love." It not only addressed this verbal nuisance, but also offered some good and practical advice about how you can stop it.According to experts quoted in the article, whining is a pattern of negative communication that can hold you back in your relationships.
Whining generates negative conversation, creates an invisible downbeat and depressive cloud around you, adversely affects job advancement and adds a splash of poison to otherwise healthy relationships.
Further bad news for the whiner is that, generally speaking, we all tend to steer clear and try to avoid these people whenever possible.
It's tough enough to deal with whining when it comes from a friend or co-worker, but it becomes a much bigger issue if you're going out with or married to the whiner. At least you can escape from your friends and co-workers, but when you live with someone like this, it can be bad for both your health and relationship.
So how you react to a whiner depends greatly on the relationship you have with them. For example, the way you deal with the whiner that you run into at work occasionally can't necessarily be dealt with in the same manner as if the whiner happens to be a family member or someone you live with. When the whiner is a close friend, spouse or family member, it becomes more complicated, because avoiding them is often not an option.
People are often unaware and don't even realize that they're constantly whining. Experts believe that the remedy for helping people stop whining begins by making them more aware of their behavior. Gently speak to them about it in a manner that doesn't use accusatory or sarcastic language. This is particularly helpful advice if the whiner is someone that you can't avoid.So, if you have a whiner in your life that you must find a way to deal with, perhaps you should listen to the experts and take some tough action. Confront this person in a friendly, gentle but direct way, and talk to him about the negative consequences that surround it, even if the whiner isn't receptive or appreciative of your sincere desire to help.
In situations like this, it often takes real bravery on your part to approach a loved one for a discussion such as this. I'm always reminded of a quote from entertainer Carol Burnett. In her book about the drastic action that she had to take to help her drug addicted daughter get help, she wrote, "Sometimes you have to love someone enough to let them hate you for a while."
Take Action:
- Boycott Bill O'Reilly and FOX News and their advertisers. Bill discussed a French commercial by McDonalds that was meant to show that McDonalds is Gay Friendly. Bill said what is next? Is McDonalds going to be Al-Quada friendly as well? Imagine - Bill O'Reilly compares Gays to Al-Quada! Further, Boycott Fox's Owner "Rupert Murcoch" and get him thrown in jail for illegal - political donations, bribery, hacking!
- Boycott Target, Best Buy, Gold's Gym - for donating money towards anti-gay political candidates/organizations. Update: (12/26/2010): Target is continuing to donate to anti-gay groups/causes/politicians. Update 03/08/11 - Lady Gaga Ends Target Partnership, Reportedly Over Target's Poor LGBT Stance. Update 3/25/2010 - Target displays their hypocrisy and Sues California Gay Rights Group for Lobbying Outside Stores. Target is attempting to block the LGBT right of free speech! STOP SHOPPING AT TARGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Update 4/8/2011: Target lost its case to stop the LGBT from canvassing in front of their stores. A huge PR Disaster for TARGET! Perhaps Target should go out of business as they betrayed their investers and customer base. Target contributed massive funds to a politician who would like to exterminate gays. Now, Target can not stop us from Boycotting them, nor picketing, nor talking to customers near their stores; although, Target allows a anti-gay company such as the Salvation Army to stand outside their door and speak with customers and raise money. Isn't this a double standard?
- End DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act). Prevents Federal employees and Gays in the Military from gaining equal benefits. Prevents Gay Partners from gaining equal benefits.
- Pass a LGBT friendly ENDA (Employee Non-Discrimination Act). ENDA would prevent employment discrimination of LGBT workforce.
- Boycott Salvation Army as they will not hire Gays! "DO NOT DONATE TO THEM."
- BOYCOTT "Chick-fil-a" for donating money to anti-gay groups.
- BOYCOTT KOCH INDUSTRIES PRODUCTS- to include their products: Angel Soft toilet paper / Brawny paper towels / Dixie plates, bowls, napkins & cups / Mardi Gras napkins and towels / Quilted Northern toilet paper / Soft 'n Gentle toilet paper / Sparkle napkins / Vanity fair napkins / Zee napkins / Georgia-Pacific paper products & envelopes / All Georgia-Pacific lumber & building products (INVISTA Products) / Lycra / Stainmaster Carpet. The billionaire - Koch brothers are ultra republican - tea bag founders/supporters that do not support causes of the LGBT community.
- Boycott WALMART - The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force criticized Wal-Mart for denying employee benefits to same-s-x partners and for failing to prohibit discrimination based on gender identity. By comparison, the group said two other chain stores with a strong presence in New York, Costco and Walgreens, did much better.
- "Tune Out Trump", Boycott all Trump Hotel, casinos, holdings, The Apprentice and NBC Network! At CPAC, Trump said he is considering a run for president as a Republican. In a interview with the Des Moines Register, Trump added that he opposes all forms of legal recognition for gay couples, not just marriage. "They should not be able to marry," he said. So why does NBC keep the Apprentice when Donald Trump has stated he may run for president? After making racist remarks about Obama and recv'g public backlash, Trump decided not to run for president after NBC renewed his awful TV Show. How can NBC re-new the clown's show after he pulled such hateful shenanigans?
And Now, Our War of the Fittest!
This group is called "Peckers Pics." The English - slang definition of "pecker" is to pluck at the truth. Therefore, we peck at items such as Gay Men's Health, Male Fitness, Gay (LGBT) Politics & Issues. In this section you may peck at each photo in order to decide the winner of the "war of the fittest!" Whereas, you should select the "Male Athlete" that may inspire you to exercise and "get fit!" Warning: This may stoke you!
Your participation in discussion of health / news articles - appearing in this message is greatly appreciated!
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Tel-Aviv Pride; June 8, 2012
Stoked?
Tel-Aviv Pride; June 8, 2012
Super Stoked?
Tel-Aviv Pride; June 8, 2012
Shawn Farris, Tennessee Man, Allegedly Attacked At High School Reunion For Being Gay
06/18/2012 - Huffington Post
A Tennessee man claims he was attacked over the weekend outside his high school reunion because he's gay, but local authorities say they have no plans to investigate the alleged incident as a hate crime.
As WSMV is reporting, Shawn Farris says he was attending his 20-year high school reunion outside of Winchester, Tenn., when he was attacked for no apparent reason. "If I had been alone with this man, there's no telling what would have happened to me, if he's capable of doing something like that with witnesses," Farris told the news channel.
Farris claims the man, who is not identified in the report, hurled anti-gay epithets at him before threatening his life, then punching him in the face and throwing him to the ground.
Still, local police say they currently will not investigate Farris' case as a hate crime, calling it simply a fight. Still, Farris, who works as a flight attendant, plans to press charges against his assailant.
Tennessee has been a hotbed of gay and anti-gay controversy in recent months. Last month, a high school journalism instructor reportedly infuriated locals, including one school board member, after publishing a pro-gay profile of a graduating student in the yearbook.
On the other hand, the state's extremely controversial "Don't Say Gay" bill, which intended to restrict public school discussion of sexuality and lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) issues, died without a vote in early May after a key GOP sponsor decided "not to bring it up," according to reports.
A Tennessee man claims he was attacked over the weekend outside his high school reunion because he's gay, but local authorities say they have no plans to investigate the alleged incident as a hate crime.
As WSMV is reporting, Shawn Farris says he was attending his 20-year high school reunion outside of Winchester, Tenn., when he was attacked for no apparent reason. "If I had been alone with this man, there's no telling what would have happened to me, if he's capable of doing something like that with witnesses," Farris told the news channel.
Farris claims the man, who is not identified in the report, hurled anti-gay epithets at him before threatening his life, then punching him in the face and throwing him to the ground.
Still, local police say they currently will not investigate Farris' case as a hate crime, calling it simply a fight. Still, Farris, who works as a flight attendant, plans to press charges against his assailant.
Tennessee has been a hotbed of gay and anti-gay controversy in recent months. Last month, a high school journalism instructor reportedly infuriated locals, including one school board member, after publishing a pro-gay profile of a graduating student in the yearbook.
On the other hand, the state's extremely controversial "Don't Say Gay" bill, which intended to restrict public school discussion of sexuality and lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) issues, died without a vote in early May after a key GOP sponsor decided "not to bring it up," according to reports.
....Jake
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"Every gay and lesbian person who has been lucky enough to survive the turmoil of growing up is a survivor. Survivors always have an obligation to those who will face the same challenges."
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