Please allow me to take this one step further. As a gay man in my 20s (I'm now 55), I was also shunned, but not because I was fat; in fact, I had been a gymnast in college and was in the best shape of my life. I was rejected in the gay community because I had very bad acne as a teenager & young adult. It left scars on my face, chest, & back, as well as on my psyche and self-esteem. Besides that, I'm not a bad-looking guy, but I'm no prize-winner either. It's very true that a large percentage of the gay community will accept -- and date -- nothing less than physical perfection. Only as an adult in my 40s did I begin to realize that some guys are actually attracted to average-looking guys with acne scars. And of course, by then, there was also rejection on the basis of age!
I try very hard not to be bitter, I really do. And I try to continually open myself up to the possibility of a long-term relationship with a loving man who can look beyond the outward appearance I present, and see the great guy I am on the inside. But Jake, why is it that the young (20-30) gay community in general is so obssessed with the physical beauty (or lack thereof) of a man, and not with his inner qualities and character?
--Barry
Moderator: Barry, sometimes I thought of being a dermatologist as I like the challenge of resolving skin conditions. Some pople like to pop zits, some are nausiated by it.
Anyway, what dislikes do you have? Would you date a parapalegic, quadriplegic? Person with other disabilities? Missing limb, Deaf, blind?
I have a scar from surgery. Some did not like the scar. Some thought it might be from a knife and make them think i am dangerous. Some are just grossed out by scars. Some people faint at the sight of blood. Well, you want to know about guys 20 top 30. Do guys who are 20's want to date 30's? Are they grossed out by older guys? I have a funny story. I was in my early 20's. in the act, found his hair was not real. I did not say anything; but it freaked me out as it fell off. I didn't date him again. Maybe i was unfamiliar. I rather if he was bald, or naturally gray rather than covering it up. But, what if the person was missing a leg, etc. People in their 20's are not familiar with disabilities. People withs disabilities are often serperated by schools from those with-out disc abilities. They are not use to imperfections. Many in their 20's are simply still children.
Learning to accept imperfections, disabilities is a learning process.
How many white people, are turned off the Black people and the opposite. Because we are not use to being around someone different may turn this into a learning process by familiarization. Desegregation of schools help to speed up the process when someone has lived a isolated life.
Also, how many have preferences? Only date blonde's, Latin's, Asians, Catholic's, Jew's, etc.... The list goes on forever. If one can not date one who is not blond, than do not expect that person to date anyone with any imperfections. Yes, I am blond and it ridiculous that some dated me for just being a blond. Normally, one doesn't stay with such a person for a long time when you learn that person is so shallow. That person is fragmented. Person must love, like, respect, trust, be honest with one-self. Many people in their 20's have not always developed these core values. They been bullied in school for being gay. They don't like themselves.
Now, to be direct, if you feel your acne/scars are a problem, than if you can afford it, see a dermatologist. It may be covered by insurance. There are some medications for scars. There are various REASONS FOR ACNE. But, some are due to food allergies. So for those that are young/old with acne, speak with your medical doctor.
I do not know if this renders answers you want to hear. But, mankind is often prejudiced towards the unfamiliar. People in their 20's have not been exposed by all the conditions in life.
.....jake
--- On Tue, 7/5/11, tom s <tompa1970@yahoo.com> wrote:
From: tom s <tompa1970@yahoo.com>
Subject: [Peckers_Pics] Male/Gay Health-Discussion-PICS Re: [Peckers_Pics] Gays, Obesity, and Self-Esteem
To: Peckers_Pics@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, July 5, 2011, 9:14 AM
Hey all,
I just wanted to open up a discussion regarding the gay culture and obesity and it's effect on self-esteem.
Granted, obesity is a major health issue and people that are fat (i.e. like me) need to change for no other reason than that.
However, it seems like the gay culture highly discriminates against people that are fat and we seek out people that have "perfect" bodies, regardless of what those bodies look like. I keep seeing ads on Craigslist and other cruising sites that say things like, "NO FATTIES" or other really mean things. Or, in person, fat people just get ignored.
I know how these things affect me and the damage that being fat has done to my self-esteem, but I would really like to hear how others feel about the situation. It just seems to me that being fat in gay culture is worse than being gay in the church.
Thanks for your comments (and please remember that this is meant to open dialogue, not get bashed).
Tom
Moderator: Tom, it is excellent that you brought this up. I would not want to be with any person who uses hateful languagenor displays disrespect towards others. Therefore, even if you were thinner, this saves you time from being with a hateful, obnoxious person. I just commented on another person who discussed his need for multiple relationships. Tom, "do you love, like, trust and have honesty with yourself?" Regardless of you physical condition, you still need to find a way to embrace these factors. also, the people you brought up are looking for one-night stands. They are not seeking a relationship. What do you want? There are adult bars for all body types. We do lack community groups for LGBT needs. Time to forget the children, or those who still need to grow up. In the pics section of my posts, i place pics of fit guys to help inspire you to get in shape. Perhaps you may want to speak with your Medical Doctor and find a nutritionist. Do not just
take a diet pamphlet from your Medical Doctor. No one reads it, no one follows it. A nutritionist is excellent for guiding, helping you. The nutritionist may give you the support to find a way to exercice as well as the person should be aware of your physical condition, likes, dislikes. If you are failing on thew diet, than seek another nutritionist. They normally do not cost much and they may help save you money with food. When you get in shape, please do not go out with the haters. They do not deserve you nor anyone - as they are missing one or more of these factors: "To love, like, trust, be honest with oneself." I guarantee you that they are fractured as a person.
Now, why in gay culture are so many - judgmental, hateful? Well being gay often means we were victimized/bullied at school. Not respected by religious groups and so-called straight people, or in life and our values may become fragmented. Than came the Aids/HIV crisis. Men had to get in shape, they were angry about having such a disease, taking medications, watching their body change. So they became obsessed with exercise. They are often angry and lash out at others. Even the AMA has found that medical support for the LGBT community is almost non-existent. Therefore, we lack psychological understanding, medical needs are not met. Employers discriminate. Family often does not appreciate your personal love life. When you decide to get married to another man, family may not be as elated towards a same gender wedding. They do not understand why the marriage is so important. Finally, we become bitter!
When our gov't recognizes us as normal people, gives us full equal rights, a lot of the bitterness may disappear. Want us to be happy people? Than grant us equal rights. Now, that is how one begins with building family values.
....Jake
------------------------------------
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�Every gay and lesbian person who has been lucky enough to survive the turmoil of growing up is a survivor. Survivors always have an obligation to those who will face the same challenges.�
...Jake (Moderator)
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