Interview with David Testo
I recently had the opportunity to sit down with David Testo, who, not long ago, came out publicly as a gay man. Testo started his soccer career at the University of South Carolina and even played for the University of North Carolina before being drafted by Major League Soccer in 2003. David eventually played in the MLS for the Columbus Crew and has played, for the past four years, for the Montreal Impact, which joins MLS next year.
David grew up in Ashville, North Carolina and states, “I never had the opportunity to express who I was until later in life, although I knew very early on in life that I was different. I was different than those around me and what society wanted me to be,” he said. “I had a secret.”
“I always dated the lead cheerleader and played this stereotypical role that was expected of me, while inside I connected with the cheerleader – but not because I was in love with her,” Testo giggled.
“It’s hard when you are so young because things don’t feel right, but due to the pressures of family, you have to take on that role. I mean, I still find it hard today to tell people I am gay.”
Testo admits soccer was his way of release and ignored what was going on inside of him. Not only was he really good at it, it offered him a place where he could be himself. “I tend to believe that a lot of gay men do that – if they find something they are really good at, they focus on that, hoping that the ‘good thing they do’ is what everyone talks about. I think some utilize that mindset as a shield when it comes to their sexuality.”
Testo confesses to once being a bully himself and even mentioned bullying others that were gay. “I think everyone is a bully in some facet or another. I bullied them because they were gay. I wanted them to go away, I wanted that feeling in me to go away and if I could make them go away, maybe I could make it go away for myself, personally.”
Testo has always wanted to fit in, he says. “I wanted to fit into the church, into society, and at an early age, I studied philosophy, religion and more importantly, myself. It’s made me realize that life is so much greater than just soccer and winning and losing. It’s about the relationships you build with the people around you. In the end, when you’re lying down on your death bed, it’s not about how much money you’ve made, how many wins you have, any of that. You want to know those connections you had to people and the difference you made in people’s lives. And I actually thank being gay for that. Because, hypothetically speaking, I don’t know who I would be if I wasn’t, but I know this has pushed me to grow in such a way I never would have dreamed.”
Testo came out to his Mom, at the age of 24, while she was visiting him in Vancouver. “When I told her, she responded with ‘no you’re not.’ She only knew me as a straight guy who dates beautiful women. ‘You’re not right in your senses,’ she would say.”
“I had to take the opportunity to educate my mom and seek her respect. I had to remind her that this was not a choice.”
“Although it was difficult coming out publically, as it caused quite the stir, I had to remind my Mom that it wasn’t done as a publicity stunt, but as an opportunity to provide a positive influence to teens dealing with this same situation.”
Testo continues to strive to be a positive example and role model. “Teens today need positive influences – especially now,” he says. “It’s good to have people like us out there to teach youth that there is a positive way to express yourself – it doesn’t have to be hidden.”
“I really regret not having said it publicly earlier. I fought with it all my life, my whole career. Living the life of a professional athlete and being gay is incredibly difficult. It is like wearing a secret in your bags but never yourself. It saps all your energy to you, in addition to having to perform, having to play.”
Testo reminds all of us that we are not alone. “So often we feel that we are the only person struggling with this, and it is a lot harder to cope and deal with those emotions when you think you are alone.”
“Once you see that there is a supportive community out there, there are resources for you and others going through the same thing. Be part of a community, get involved with LGBT organizations and participate with others who are walking in the same shoes you are.”
“I wish I could say, do X, Y and Z and you will be happy – unfortunately, that’s not the case. It’s about connecting with people who respect you, understand you, and make you feel safe. Once you have that firm foundation, I encourage you to be that for someone else, educate your family, your friends and those who may have a misunderstanding regarding the gay community. You have to get to a point of accepting and loving yourself before you can expect someone to love and accept you.”
By Greg Greenhalge
Development Director,
The Matthew Shepard Foundation
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�Every gay and lesbian person who has been lucky enough to survive the turmoil of growing up is a survivor. Survivors always have an obligation to those who will face the same challenges.�
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