Monday, May 14, 2012

Re: [Peckers_Pics] Male/Gay Health-Discussion-PICS Hair Wars-May 14, 2012-Obama and Romney: evolutionary hero vs bully

 

Jake
I really enjoyed this.  All my life I have suffered from performance anxiety.  My heart would race, shaky hands, the worst.  The way I learned to handle this was to throw myself into it, be the first to speak.  I still have anxiety but it's over after the first couple of minutes.  I remember once in High School having to give a speech, I was terrified, shaking & panicking,  I did get through it.  My teacher later told me try not to appear so casual & relaxed.  I told him I was terrified the whole time & he told me nobody knew.
Thanks Jake.
Jeffrey in Detroit 
  

From: K C <ilmmmli@yahoo.com>
To: "Peckers_Pics@yahoogroups.com" <Peckers_Pics@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Mon, May 14, 2012 2:05:08 AM
Subject: Re: [Peckers_Pics] Male/Gay Health-Discussion-PICS Hair Wars-May 14, 2012-Obama and Romney: evolutionary hero vs bully

 

#2 is super HOT. Anyone know who he is?

From: Jake West <jakewest_tn@yahoo.com>
To: Peckers_Pics@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sunday, May 13, 2012 11:50 PM
Subject: [Peckers_Pics] Male/Gay Health-Discussion-PICS Hair Wars-May 14, 2012-Obama and Romney: evolutionary hero vs bully

 
Hair Wars-May 14, 2012- / Health-News-PICS
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How to Overcome Performance Anxiety: Don't Think of It as a Performance

Huffington Post / 05/12/2012 / Tamar Chansky

Whenever you do a thing, act as if all the world were watching." -- Thomas Jefferson.

Yikes. Is that a solution, or the DSM-IV definition of social anxiety disorder?

The house lights dim, the stage is dark save for one spotlight, the kind that follows your every move. You stand up to your moment -- your big moment -- to make a difference. OK, so maybe you're just standing up to order your morning coffee. But the words fail you, your tongue ties, and in a fury you find that your jumbled mind has just ordered the nonexistent: double decaf lafté... No! No!, I mean, I meant latté! Double decaf latté! The crowd laughs wildly (in your head). Zap! That made a mistake feeling stays with you for hours. Meanwhile, the imagined audience, who never really noticed in the first place, has moved on to other business of the day, in which, shockingly, you do not play a starring role.

This is good news.

The humble and highly reassuring fact that we should be brushing our teeth with three times a day is that no one cares. Not in that way. Now, if you instead had stumbled and dropped that double decaf "lafté," people would have swooped in to help. Fact is, once you make it past middle school, people mostly care in good ways, in the ways we need. People aren't on the sidelines judging our lives with the clipboard and whistle, and neither should we. Mistakes, hiccups, guffaws, even awkward silences are the order of the day. At any given moment they are happening to millions across the globe. It's not personal, not a deep, permanent flaw: it's just part of being alive.

So, with apologies to Mr. Jefferson: We are the ones who perpetuate the unhelpful view that we are on display and that all the world is watching. But we don't have to. We can instead choose to duck out from under the stage lights and realize that the idea that life is a high-stakes performance exists only in our own heads. And nota bene, if we do insist on focusing on what the audience is seeing rather than focusing on what we're doing, well, chances are we might actually not do as well. You can't be on stage and in the audience at the same time, time travel being what it is these days.

Whether it's "order panic" that beleaguers you, or performances with a higher degree of difficulty, maybe even those with actual audiences who have bought tickets or are missing episodes of Mad Men to see you, know two things: First, you are not alone. Public speaking tops the charts from every fear survey since the beginning of number-crunching time. Second: These moments don't have to be terrible, and could even be enjoyable if you heed one important detail. From athletes to virtuosos, making peace with your audience inevitably comes down to one thing: forgetting they are there. Except at the end, with the applause, at which point, your eyes and your heart should open wide.

Public speaking and other performance situations can breed fear in the hearts of the most decorated men and women, and can set those decorated hearts racing. But the moments that we dread are usually ones that we are supremely qualified to handle, if only the amygdala (the hub of the brain's fight-or-flight system) in an effort to protect us from threat, wasn't actually creating more of it by holding our minds and tongues hostage.

It's not the situation that's the problem -- the task is easily in your range. The problem is your overzealous worry system that has you gearing up for an attack.

How do we turn off the alarms and do our best work? Whether we are asking where the bananas are at the supermarket, asking someone out on a date, or singing Puccini, remember that this isn't about performing and being judged, it's an opportunity to connect on the most basic level. And that's what we all want. And that's what we all do.

Here are five strategies to not let your amygdala ruin your day.

Stay in Your Time Zone: The Present: What's the best use of your time, 15 minutes of catastrophizing or 15 minutes of planning to succeed? When you have an upcoming event, don't project into the future doing the preview and cringe of worst case scenarios that aren't likely to happen, stay in the here and now and do your job. Try something novel, focus on what you actually need to do right now to make things turn out better: practice, get advice, get sleep. This is what athletes do. Putting on their game face doesn't mean focusing on winning or losing, it's warming up, concentrating on their feet, their swing, or their form. So stay in the present and give yourself the gift of being prepared, not scared.

Think Process Not Perfect: When we do an event-in-review in our minds, we freeze frame on what we wish we'd done better or differently, and completely overlook the overall impression we've made based on all those (forgettable to us) moments that worked out just fine. Not every moment is a standalone spot-check of our self-worth. Lower the stakes, not the standards. We aren't judged by single snapshots; we all have those moments that are less than flattering, but we are more than that. The feature-length films of our lives contain the good, the bad, and the ugly, and that total package adds up to something pretty great.

What's Your Mission? How do we forget about the critic? Refocus on why you're there in that moment. So you're going to your first Al-Anon meeting and dreading the introduction. Remember, big picture is that you're there to get support. And the people you're talking to want to give it. Or, at a job interview, anchor yourself with truly what you can see draws you to the job and what you'd have to offer. Giving a fundraising presentation to a parent group? Don't get hung up on the particular choice of words, focus on the meaning -- that's the message. Nothing burns through panic like purpose.

Think the Best of Your Audience and Focus on the Best, Too: OK, let's say you can't forget that your audience is there. Fine. But if that's the case, then remember who they really are. Chances are they are not hungry wolves waiting to attack you, given the fact that they want or need to hear what you have to say. Yes, there will always be the grumpy person here and there, but not every bell tolls for thee. The guy snoring in the front row is tired. The cranky, know-it-all guy in the fourth row was that way before you came along, and will continue to be that way long after you pack up and head home. So as you are looking out at the sea of faces, make good choices. Fix your gaze on the smiling faces who are nodding their heads in agreement or tapping their feet to your beat, rather than the ones that are shaking their heads or busying themselves with their Blackberries.

Finesse the Flaws: I'm OK, You're OK: A grade-school music teacher conveyed one of the most basic lessons of life, as often happens in those tender years: If you make a mistake during a performance, as long as you don't jump up and down pointing to yourself accusingly and have your facial expression or gestures say in so many words "That was me!" then the audience will not even notice. Beyond that, as adults, we can learn how to finesse a mistake to our advantage: Find a humorous excuse and join with your audience rather than seeing them as the madding crowd, say: "Let's try that again," or, "Oh -- this could be a very unfortunate moment, let's all pretend that didn't happen, OK?" Then keep going, and people will see what a cool, well-adjusted person you are who knows full well that a small glitch or stumble over words barely scratches the surface of your vast, limitless self-worth. Or, if you're not quite up for that interpretation, know that you will have totally faked them out. Bravo! Well done.

This concept of leading the way through a mistake was demonstrated to me, unforgettably, a few years ago at a rock concert. Russian-born singer-songwriter Regina Spektor was performing at the Electric Factory, a gritty venue for diehard fans in Philadelphia. In the middle of an amazing show, Regina suddenly forgot the words to the song she was singing. Without missing a beat, she gestured the microphone out to the audience and we were more than happy to fill in. No one was judging Regina at that moment, I'm pretty sure we all felt like her new best friend. Not wanting to merely leave it at Wow, that was a close call!, Regina took that moment to a new destination. At the end of the song, she said, "This is so exciting! I made the biggest mistake of my tour... in PHILADELPHIA!!" The crowd went wild. Yes we were watching, and by dint of a few forgotten lyrics, we all connected in that moment, and it was even more sublime.
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And Now, Our War of the Fittest!
This group is called "Peckers Pics." The English - slang definition of "pecker" is to pluck at the truth. Therefore, we peck at items such as Gay Men's Health, Male Fitness, Gay (LGBT) Politics & Issues. In this section you may peck at each photo in order to decide the winner of the "war of the fittest!" Whereas, you should select the "Male Athlete" that may inspire you to exercise and "get fit!" Warning: This may stoke you!
Your participation in discussion of health / news articles - appearing in this message is greatly appreciated!
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You Decide!
MeatRack, Eagle, LA; May 12, 2012
Stoked?
MeatRack, Eagle, LA; May 12, 2012
Obama and Romney: the evolutionary hero vs. the bully vs. more important things
While we all obsess with President Obama's "courageous" stand on gay marriage on Mitt Romney's alleged gay-bashing, writes Kathleen Parker, Americans can avert their gaze from the evolving economic collapse.

By Kathleen Parker, Syndicated columnist / Seattle Times / May 13, 2012

WASHINGTON -- This past week's news cycle has produced two narratives:

One, Barack Obama is an evolutionary, 21st-century hero who supports equality for all. Two, Mitt Romney is a gay-bashing bully mired in the previous century, who also supports a war on women and, oh yeah, hates dogs.

Let's parse, shall we?

Obama's Big Announcement that he supports gay marriage came about for the following reasons: (a) He had no choice after Vice President Joe Biden said on "Meet the Press" that he was fine with same-sex marriage; (b) one in six of Obama's campaign bundlers, those who raise big bucks, is openly gay; (c) Obama risks nothing except the votes of those who wouldn't have voted for him anyway.

And last, but certainly not least, because supporting equal treatment of all Americans under all legal contracts, including marriage with all its attendant rights and responsibilities, is the right thing to do. In this respect, Obama may have evolved in his thinking, as millions of other Americans have, including yours truly. Indeed, polls show that the country is about evenly divided on the question, with younger Americans overwhelmingly supportive of same-sex marriage. In another generation, this conversation likely will be irrelevant.

Meanwhile. Can we stop hyperventilating long enough to not be ridiculous?

Yes, Obama's statement carries symbolic weight, but it changes nothing. In fact, by also saying he thinks the issue should remain with the states, he is both taking a conservative, states' rights position and passing the constitutional buck.

As Joe Scarborough pointed out, if the president believes that equal marriage rights are constitutionally protected, then he has a duty to fight for those rights rather than hand off the issue to the states. Gays and lesbians won't fare well on that frontier given that 30 states already have passed prohibitive amendments to their state constitutions.

Thus, Obama's announcement, while political and pragmatic, was fundamentally meaningless. You'd never know it by the media's response, of course. As Tim Stanley wrote in Britain's The Telegraph, everything the first African-American president says or does is breathtakingly historic:

"The Prez could go seal-clubbing and much of the media would see it as a new epoch for winter sports. 'Barack Obama Becomes the First President to Kill Six Seals in Under One Minute,' The New York Times would proudly report, while Twitter would be all abuzz with how hot he looks in snow shoes."

Not so much poor Mitt. While Obama was being feted at a $40,000-a-plate din-din at George Clooney's house, Romney was being roasted for a high-school bullying "prank" nearly 50 years ago. A prank that made the top half of The Washington Post's front page Friday -- and the details of which are in much dispute, especially from the family of the alleged victim, who, alas, isn't alive to defend his version of events.

Briefly, as told by a handful of boarding-school classmates, Romney led a group of boys who tackled and held down John Lauber and cut his longish, blond hair. Romney allegedly didn't like Lauber's look and decided to fix it. The subtext is that Lauber may have been gay and that, therefore, Romney is a not-so-closeted gay hater.

For those to the premises more recently arrived, a quick primer on 1965, when this occurred. Nobody knew who was or wasn't "gay," a word that wasn't yet in popular circulation as a noun and generally meant "merry." Homosexuality wasn't on most high-school kids' radar, period. If anything, Romney may not have liked Lauber's "hippie" locks, which is the more likely case given the era.

Whatever. Lauber obviously was a nonconformist in an environment that valued conformity, and Romney and his crew were indeed bullies. They shouldn't have done it, but boarding schools until recently were not widely known as incubators of sensitivity. Today, of course, prep schools feature weekly diversity seminars and offer staff psychiatrists for the noncompliant.

But five decades later, this is a campaign issue in a presidential election? Lauber's family doesn't think it should be -- and they may be the only people who count in this particular debate.

The real story, meanwhile, is the one that keeps getting pushed aside, which is that the country is going bankrupt and that 32 percent of young people (18-29) are underemployed. But as long as we're talking about things like gay marriage and contraception -- all forced to the fore by Democrats, by the way -- Americans can avert their gaze from the evolving economic collapse, which will be anything but gay.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/opinion/2018192130_parker14.html
Every gay and lesbian person who has been lucky enough to survive the turmoil of growing up is a survivor. Survivors always have an obligation to those who will face the same challenges."
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