Ok. About the topic. I found solace in bear groups (huskier guys, sometimes hairy but the generic term is used for bigger guys, muscular or otherwise) because being a bigger guy was and remains an appeal of the group.
Okay, I was always a big guy and I've always hated myself for it. I will say that even now, I wish I were a little smaller because I don't want to be looking like Batista from wrestling, but maybe like Triple H as far as being cut. Not being all diesel like LL Cool J. But that takes work and I'm willing to put it in because that's what I want. I always had a healthy apetite I remember having three pieces of pizza just to prove I could hang with the 'big dogs' and from there, it just developed. Comfort food really played a big part as well as WHAT I would eat in our Hospitality program at school, as well as all the fried food I consumed. I was nearly 400 pounds and seeing myself back then really makes me thank God I lost some weight. I am also an emotive eater...I eat when I get depressed. It's something I can do that will make me feel a little better. I had retreated into myself even more because I was feeling unattractive and I didn't care. In college, I liked many guys but didn't have the confidence to hit on any of them. I told one guy I liked him but nothing came of it as I guess it was supposed to.
After college I ballooned even more as I began to have jobs and about 2008-09 I believe I was at my heaviest and then began the decline I also have to say that at times I did derail because of life and depression, like when I lost my job and my bike too. I really hated it because my bike was the way to get around and I depended on that bike also for exercise as well. As far as the perfect body, hmmm--I don't look for it because there are so many beautiful bodies out there and you're never gonna find the perfect body. I guess we can also look in ourselves and wonder what we can do to make others feel comfortable about their bodies. I tell you, when I went to the gym I found so much support there and I just blossomed into LGBT activism and things...and the activism sometimes took away from my gym schedule but it also instilled confidence I didn't have before that. I say this: Lose weight for you, and then you'll see a lot happen for you internally.
Craigslist cruising: No fatties. Those people are insecure and it'd be amazing to see what they are insecure about even if they look like an Adonis. I hate seeing a bigger person being ignored as if their size is all they have to them. That's just a mess. I am sure I've been rejected because of my size and it hurts like nothing else. I remember once I said what my weight was: it's 330 but at 6 2 it doesn't look like 330. The guy said: That's too big for me. I thought: You don't even know me! You haven't seen me but you can make a snap judgment about it.
I said to myself: I will be 50 and still in the gym, even after I get married I will still be in the gym looking good for my husband because I never want to be the fat guy again. Yes, being fat in gay culture is worse--MILLIONS OF TIMES WORSE than being gay in church
Just some perspective from me.
Terry
From: tom s <tompa1970@yahoo.com>
To: Peckers_Pics@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Tuesday, July 5, 2011 9:14 AM
Subject: [Peckers_Pics] Male/Gay Health-Discussion-PICS Re: [Peckers_Pics] Gays, Obesity, and Self-Esteem
Okay, I was always a big guy and I've always hated myself for it. I will say that even now, I wish I were a little smaller because I don't want to be looking like Batista from wrestling, but maybe like Triple H as far as being cut. Not being all diesel like LL Cool J. But that takes work and I'm willing to put it in because that's what I want. I always had a healthy apetite I remember having three pieces of pizza just to prove I could hang with the 'big dogs' and from there, it just developed. Comfort food really played a big part as well as WHAT I would eat in our Hospitality program at school, as well as all the fried food I consumed. I was nearly 400 pounds and seeing myself back then really makes me thank God I lost some weight. I am also an emotive eater...I eat when I get depressed. It's something I can do that will make me feel a little better. I had retreated into myself even more because I was feeling unattractive and I didn't care. In college, I liked many guys but didn't have the confidence to hit on any of them. I told one guy I liked him but nothing came of it as I guess it was supposed to.
After college I ballooned even more as I began to have jobs and about 2008-09 I believe I was at my heaviest and then began the decline I also have to say that at times I did derail because of life and depression, like when I lost my job and my bike too. I really hated it because my bike was the way to get around and I depended on that bike also for exercise as well. As far as the perfect body, hmmm--I don't look for it because there are so many beautiful bodies out there and you're never gonna find the perfect body. I guess we can also look in ourselves and wonder what we can do to make others feel comfortable about their bodies. I tell you, when I went to the gym I found so much support there and I just blossomed into LGBT activism and things...and the activism sometimes took away from my gym schedule but it also instilled confidence I didn't have before that. I say this: Lose weight for you, and then you'll see a lot happen for you internally.
Craigslist cruising: No fatties. Those people are insecure and it'd be amazing to see what they are insecure about even if they look like an Adonis. I hate seeing a bigger person being ignored as if their size is all they have to them. That's just a mess. I am sure I've been rejected because of my size and it hurts like nothing else. I remember once I said what my weight was: it's 330 but at 6 2 it doesn't look like 330. The guy said: That's too big for me. I thought: You don't even know me! You haven't seen me but you can make a snap judgment about it.
I said to myself: I will be 50 and still in the gym, even after I get married I will still be in the gym looking good for my husband because I never want to be the fat guy again. Yes, being fat in gay culture is worse--MILLIONS OF TIMES WORSE than being gay in church
Just some perspective from me.
Terry
From: tom s <tompa1970@yahoo.com>
To: Peckers_Pics@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Tuesday, July 5, 2011 9:14 AM
Subject: [Peckers_Pics] Male/Gay Health-Discussion-PICS Re: [Peckers_Pics] Gays, Obesity, and Self-Esteem
Hey all,
I just wanted to open up a discussion regarding the gay culture and obesity and it's effect on self-esteem.
Granted, obesity is a major health issue and people that are fat (i.e. like me) need to change for no other reason than that.
However, it seems like the gay culture highly discriminates against people that are fat and we seek out people that have "perfect" bodies, regardless of what those bodies look like. I keep seeing ads on Craigslist and other cruising sites that say things like, "NO FATTIES" or other really mean things. Or, in person, fat people just get ignored.
I know how these things affect me and the damage that being fat has done to my self-esteem, but I would really like to hear how others feel about the situation. It just seems to me that being fat in gay culture is worse than being gay in the church.
Thanks for your comments (and please remember that this is meant to open dialogue, not get bashed).
Tom
Moderator: Tom, it is excellent that you brought this up. I would not want to be with any person who uses hateful languagenor displays disrespect towards others. Therefore, even if you were thinner, this saves you time from being with a hateful, obnoxious person. I just commented on another person who discussed his need for multiple relationships. Tom, "do you love, like, trust and have honesty with yourself?" Regardless of you physical condition, you still need to find a way to embrace these factors. also, the people you brought up are looking for one-night stands. They are not seeking a relationship. What do you want? There are adult bars for all body types. We do lack community groups for LGBT needs. Time to forget the children, or those who still need to grow up. In the pics section of my posts, i place pics of fit guys to help inspire you to get in shape. Perhaps you may want to speak with your Medical Doctor and find a nutritionist. Do not just take a diet pamphlet from your Medical Doctor. No one reads it, no one follows it. A nutritionist is excellent for guiding, helping you. The nutritionist may give you the support to find a way to exercice as well as the person should be aware of your physical condition, likes, dislikes. If you are failing on thew diet, than seek another nutritionist. They normally do not cost much and they may help save you money with food. When you get in shape, please do not go out with the haters. They do not deserve you nor anyone - as they are missing one or more of these factors: "To love, like, trust, be honest with oneself." I guarantee you that they are fractured as a person.
Now, why in gay culture are so many - judgmental, hateful? Well being gay often means we were victimized/bullied at school. Not respected by religious groups and so-called straight people, or in life and our values may become fragmented. Than came the Aids/HIV crisis. Men had to get in shape, they were angry about having such a disease, taking medications, watching their body change. So they became obsessed with exercise. They are often angry and lash out at others. Even the AMA has found that medical support for the LGBT community is almost non-existent. Therefore, we lack psychological understanding, medical needs are not met. Employers discriminate. Family often does not appreciate your personal love life. When you decide to get married to another man, family may not be as elated towards a same gender wedding. They do not understand why the marriage is so important. Finally, we become bitter!
When our gov't recognizes us as normal people, gives us full equal rights, a lot of the bitterness may disappear. Want us to be happy people? Than grant us equal rights. Now, that is how one begins with building family values.
....Jake
I just wanted to open up a discussion regarding the gay culture and obesity and it's effect on self-esteem.
Granted, obesity is a major health issue and people that are fat (i.e. like me) need to change for no other reason than that.
However, it seems like the gay culture highly discriminates against people that are fat and we seek out people that have "perfect" bodies, regardless of what those bodies look like. I keep seeing ads on Craigslist and other cruising sites that say things like, "NO FATTIES" or other really mean things. Or, in person, fat people just get ignored.
I know how these things affect me and the damage that being fat has done to my self-esteem, but I would really like to hear how others feel about the situation. It just seems to me that being fat in gay culture is worse than being gay in the church.
Thanks for your comments (and please remember that this is meant to open dialogue, not get bashed).
Tom
Moderator: Tom, it is excellent that you brought this up. I would not want to be with any person who uses hateful languagenor displays disrespect towards others. Therefore, even if you were thinner, this saves you time from being with a hateful, obnoxious person. I just commented on another person who discussed his need for multiple relationships. Tom, "do you love, like, trust and have honesty with yourself?" Regardless of you physical condition, you still need to find a way to embrace these factors. also, the people you brought up are looking for one-night stands. They are not seeking a relationship. What do you want? There are adult bars for all body types. We do lack community groups for LGBT needs. Time to forget the children, or those who still need to grow up. In the pics section of my posts, i place pics of fit guys to help inspire you to get in shape. Perhaps you may want to speak with your Medical Doctor and find a nutritionist. Do not just take a diet pamphlet from your Medical Doctor. No one reads it, no one follows it. A nutritionist is excellent for guiding, helping you. The nutritionist may give you the support to find a way to exercice as well as the person should be aware of your physical condition, likes, dislikes. If you are failing on thew diet, than seek another nutritionist. They normally do not cost much and they may help save you money with food. When you get in shape, please do not go out with the haters. They do not deserve you nor anyone - as they are missing one or more of these factors: "To love, like, trust, be honest with oneself." I guarantee you that they are fractured as a person.
Now, why in gay culture are so many - judgmental, hateful? Well being gay often means we were victimized/bullied at school. Not respected by religious groups and so-called straight people, or in life and our values may become fragmented. Than came the Aids/HIV crisis. Men had to get in shape, they were angry about having such a disease, taking medications, watching their body change. So they became obsessed with exercise. They are often angry and lash out at others. Even the AMA has found that medical support for the LGBT community is almost non-existent. Therefore, we lack psychological understanding, medical needs are not met. Employers discriminate. Family often does not appreciate your personal love life. When you decide to get married to another man, family may not be as elated towards a same gender wedding. They do not understand why the marriage is so important. Finally, we become bitter!
When our gov't recognizes us as normal people, gives us full equal rights, a lot of the bitterness may disappear. Want us to be happy people? Than grant us equal rights. Now, that is how one begins with building family values.
....Jake
__._,_.___
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